Snail Mail

"To whom it may concern, 

You have hyperthyroidism likely from Grave's Disease... I will start you on thyroid blocking medication.

Sincerely,"
(blah, blah big wig doctor)


Yes, you read that correctly. That is how I was diagnosed. 

I finally found a doctor qualified to speak to me about this issue. It took years of looking for just one doctor that would listen, fighting for tests, and giving a mind numbing amount of blood. The doctor that I found chose to notify me of my condition via snail mail. How cold.

He didn't call me into his office to tell me the news that I already knew. He didn't give me the opportunity to discuss treatment, ask questions, and give my input on how I would like to proceed with my life.  He basically told me to put a bandaid on it. 

"Dear patient who is just a number, 
You have an illness that has caused another illness. I have decided that you will live this way from now on. Your input is not necessary." 


I am trying to find comfort in finally getting a diagnosis. I am trying to not feel shoved aside. Just a number. So insignificant that a simple two line letter in the mail will suffice. 

I've got my little angel on my shoulder telling me that this is just one more step in the right direction. This is a small victory. To be strong. To have hope. 

I filled the prescription.  Not because agree with this method of treatment. 

I filled the prescription because my symptoms are getting worse. 
I find myself exhausted when I should be awake and awake when I should be exhausted.
I find myself shaking while trying to cut strawberries for my children's lunch. 
I find myself hugging the toilet a lot more that I'd like to admit. 
This very evening, I found myself rushing out of our small group at church and praying that I'd make it to the bathroom in time.  And pleading with my body to not fail me in public. It did.

The endocrinologist sent my labs attached to the two line notification. Of course I don't speak lab test, so it has taken me a while to decipher it. 

Today, it clicked and I understood. My numbers at not just bad, they are very bad. 

No wonder I am so tired and sore and sick. 

I will take the pill for now. 

However, I expect a face to face with the Endocrinologist very soon. I hope that we regain some lost ground, some trust that was lost. I know I have the strength to get the answers. I hope he has the strength to deal with me when I put my foot down. I can be pretty hard headed. 

I want to ask him why we are treating a symptom of my disease. 

If you had migraines, would you be happy with the doctor prescribing Zofran so that you aren't as nauseous? Or would you prefer to discuss fixing the migraines? 

It's common sense, right? Why haven't we discussed treating Grave's Disease? Why are we trying to kill my thyroid instead? If there is no way to treat Grave's, it would be helpful to know that. I couldn't tell you if that is an option, we haven't discussed it. 

I am strong. I am determined. I am still up for this fight.